Home Sweet Home

This was the hug I waited for for so long! Obviously, I couldn’t get enough, as it looks like about to pop my little Bug’s head off. It has been so good to be home, to have our family back together, and to get big hugs from our extended ‘family’ in Portland – so many friends who have been with us in heart and prayer while I was away.

I’ve been slowly getting in the groove and remembering what my life as a full time mom and house manager and airbnb proprietor entails. oh yeah…the laundry!

While I’m catching up on laundry and catching up with people this week, I’ll be WAITING. and praying and trying not to analyze every little thing my body is doing.  Technically I can take a pregnancy test on Friday, but Josh will be out of town, so it will be Saturday or Monday before we find out. I was telling a friend last night that I actually feel less anxious about finding out than i thought I would. 1) The 2 week waiting game feels pretty normal to me now…It’s part of the deal. 2) I’m hopeful. 3) I know God will be with me whatever the outcome…this is what He has spent so much time and pursuit and pain and care to try to prove to me, right? He has proven faithful. So today, no fear.
Ask me again on Saturday! #ohmeoflittlefaith

Still praying that that little embryo has been multiplying like crazy and is growing even now. Sometimes it’s hard to pray that, wondering if it even exists at this very moment. But, a girl can hope. and pray. 🙂

Though You Slay Me

After the emotional and hectic day yesterday, today was a low-key day of sleeping in, drinking coffee (for the first time in awhile:), doing laundry, and redecorating Mel’s house while she was out. I even got Josh to do yoga with me on the rooftop terrace of the house! I was amazed at the peace, lack of heaviness, and even joy I had all day. Maybe I was ignoring the elephant in my room, but I think it was more than that. I also sat alone with God, journaled, let the tears flow again, and let His presence and his answers seep into me.

Over the past few weeks, three different people have told me about this song. When my brother-in-law sent it today (Thanks DV), I knew it was time to listen. Ya know when sometimes your heart is not ready for something, and then it is? …yeah. I needed this Today. Watch it…

One of the things I was struck with after watching this thing like 6 times – I remembered my first and gut reaction to the news we got yesterday (was that just yesterday?? feels like 4 days have passed) – I said to Josh how it made everything feel like a waste. And waste gets me. I hate it. I always clean my plate. I love making things from something left over. I hate missed opportunities. But this felt like the worse kind of waste – like something rare and precious, tediously tended over a long time, stolen. and not even used, but thrown away! But after letting this wash over my soul a few times, I felt like God was responding to that feeling of loss and meaninglessness. It is not all for naught! He is doing something. 2 Corinthians ch 4 says “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

That gives me hope. For what has happened, and what is ahead.